Let's hold hands

SATURDAY!!!! my birthday :)) Sure, it's currently 7:35, and I could have slept in...but my only goals for today are to go on a VERY long bike ride and write in my blog! And there's not a moment that I want to waste today. I also need to finish Organic unfortunately. On a brighter note, Megs and I are also going to lunch! I keep comparing my birthday this year to the one last year...and I'm sorry if you were with me last year on my birthday, because I couldn't have been a bigger mess! I was up this early last year, but not because I was attempting to enjoy my day, oh no. I couldn't sleep because my phone had gotten stolen. On top of that, I'm fairly certain everything else went wrong as well. This year, despite the fact I'm spending my day with my nose in an organic book, it's been a wonderful week. It could be because I still have my phone...or it could be because I am spending more time with Someone else. I'll go with the latter.

Before I talk about what's been on my heart lately, I want to thank everyone who has sent birthday wishes. It doesn't matter if Facebook had to remind you, but it really means a lot to me that you took the time to say something! Especially all the texts and phone calls and voicemails I got just after midnight. Faves :))

Shortly after midnight I got the most wonderful birthday blessing, but I could write an entire blog about that in itself, so I'll wait a few days! But remind me...

I have a lot to say today, and that's because it's not the easiest of topics. I want to make sure that I say the right things so that no one ends up confused and thinks I want to die or anything.

Today, on the anniversary of my birth, I want to talk about my inevitable death.

It's scary. Along with other things, death isn't something I deal with particularly well in general. When I was 10 my dad died, and I'm still trying to get over it. And I know that I'm going to die one day, and that terrifies me. I'd say it was legitimately one of my biggest fears because I don't know when it'll be. And you know how I like to make plans....

So there's this song that I'm absolutely in love with right now. Surprisingly enough, it's country. The song is also about death. When I first heard it, I didn't hear any of the words, all I heard was this girl's voice and it's beautiful! I knew the title so I attempted to read more into it. I listened to the chorus the most, but all I could think about was how sad the whole situation is when we die. Then I listened to the verses, and I'm not sure how they meant it to be, I certainly didn't write it, but it's actually an incredibly hopeful song. I love it so much, it's all I've listened to all week. Literally, it's on repeat. Earlier this week, I even sat in my room and paused the homework so that I could just listen to the words and say them to myself, and I cried. Out of joy, I mean! The song? If I die young by The Band Perry. Please go listen to it :) I'll share the lyrics with you though:

Lord, make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my color's
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into Your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would've thought forever could be severed by
the sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
Their worth so much more after I'm a goner
and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
Funny when you're dead how people start listening

Oh the ballad of a dove, go in peace and love
Gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really going to need them
Oh the sharp knife of a short life
Well I've had just enough time...



This isn't the exact order of everything and the chorus gets thrown in there occasionally, but this is all good stuff.

This is what's been on my heart this week and I listen to this song everyday to remind myself and to pray these things to God. 1. At every given point in my life from now until the day I do die, I want to be able to say "I've had just enough time." I want people to know to whom I belong. I want to share my faith with as many people as I can. I don't want to live a single day and not be the absolute best person I can be, the exact person God wants me to be. I want to live according to God so that I'm not afraid of death. 2. I want to die knowing that I was the best person I could be so that when I get to God, I can ask Him to make me a rainbow. If it happens to be before my mom, I want her to know that I was the best person I could be. So good, that she'll be comforted knowing that I am safe with God. 3. I never want to be far from God. I want to be sent away with the words of a love song. I want to live a life so close to God, that I'm a positive influence on my friends and family. I want them all to know that I lived life to fullest with Him by my side and that they will want the same thing for themselves. That they'll find so much joy in the fact that I had to have gone on to a better place, that they'll save their tears for another occasion. That they will be able to reflect on my life and say that despite the fact that I was "green," I had just enough time to be the light God calls me to be.

Proverbs 1 today talks about living a life as such. Being wise. The first few verses are the prologue, but they're incredible in themselves because they describe qualities that we should all want and strive to have: wisdom and discipline, a prudent life, being just and fair, discretion, discernment, understanding, knowledge. And then verses 8 and 9 say "Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." This is followed by a calling to a good life. One where this son (or us) doesn't give in to sin by stealing or killing or cheating because that's not living a life according to God's purpose for us. "For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm" Proverbs 1:32-33.

If we live a life where we choose to fear the Lord, we'll be rewarded. We can be made rainbows (or something more manly if you're a guy, I suppose) and have eternal life with Him. After all, this earth is only our temporary home and He made us to go back to Him. All this that we have will go away! "Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with His promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness" 2 Peter 3:11-13. "...when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savor, so that having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having hope of eternal life...but avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless," Titus 3:4-9. I'm sure you kind of get the same things I did now...

Being with God means I follow His plan and not my own. It means I don't get any kind of plan, and I can have a say, but He makes the ultimate decisions. It means that when I've done my job here on earth, He'll take me and I should be ready at any given moment. I shouldn't be afraid of His plan, I shoult trust it like I'm trusting in my struggles and obstacles that they'll all serve a higher purpose. Even in death. This week, I don't think I'm as scared to die. And I know that as my faith grows stronger and deeper, that fear will completely go away and I will know that I have had just enough time.

Final thoughts? The part of the song that says "never known the lovin' of a man but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand," is one of my favorites because I was confused at first and thought it meant that she was holding God's hand. I don't think that's what it means anymore, but what a beautiful thought. 4. I want to be so close to God that when we meet, He just holds me like a little girl in her daddy's lap. That He wraps His loving arms around me and when we leave that place we can hold hands, because as much as I love holding hands when I'm with my friends and my mom, I want to know what it feels like to touch God's hand. A thought worth a tear of joy.

Thank you God for another year of life, I hope that I have many more to come but more than that, I pray that I stay close to You forever. Please hold my hand

I hope that you have a beautiful day! It's now 10:20, but I warned you it was long...thank you for reading :) and as always, I love you!

"Therefore, dear friend, since you already know this, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be glory both now and forever! AMEN" 2 Peter 3:17-18