I guess first I want to thank you for taking the time to read this :) Regardless if anyone does or not, I'll do my best to keep up with it!
Secondly, I want to make sure that the purpose of this is clear. I am doing what I can to have a new slate with God. I've been reading and learning and talking everyday to people and God to guide me and fill me with whatever it was I was missing. I felt broken and lost. Unloved and unwanted. Not needed and alone. It's not the best situation to be in, until a friend mentioned that I was exactly where I needed to be for God to use and mold me. I want to continue in all the things I'm doing now, and grow stronger in my faith everyday. I want this blog to be about thoughts that I have and things I can share about all that I'm learning and feeling!
Thirdly, (and most importantly) nothing I have to say I can claim as my own. It's an accumulation of the reading and learning and studying and talking that I am doing. If you're encouraged or comforted by anything in this, thank God, not me. Besides that, these are ideas that I've bounced off of people and developed by and through conversation. If you want, I'd be more than happy to talk to you about it too :))
Now, I actually made this blog last week, but I sat after I chose colors and fonts and just stared at the blank page waiting for inspiration and it never came. I thought I'd start officially after Lent, and talk about what I gave up and how I learned from the experience, but yesterday was so overwhelming, I thought I needed to share! And so the inspiration came...
Yesterday morning, at 2:18 am Mara Elizabeth Servoss was born :) I have been looking forward to the day my professor had this baby since the day I found out at the end of last summer. Yesterday also happen to be the memorial for Trent. Clearly 2 completely different kinds of emotions.
In the book that I'm reading, "How to stay Christian in college," it talks about how uneccessary we are. God wasn't sitting in the dark thinking about how to keep Himself entertained. He is so amazing that He is infinitely sustained by Himself, so as a finite group of people, there's nothing we could do to help that. And yeah, at first it kinda sucks to hear that. But what should be encouraging, is that God chose to make each of us anyways. Today I thought of it after my pen ran out of ink. Why keep it? It has no more use to me, but if I did keep it, it would be because I wanted to keep it, for whatever reason. We don't know why God decided to create everything that He did, but He chose to anyways.
This lead me to think about purpose. A friend of mine once told me that his biggest fear was never knowing if he was fulfilling God's purpose for him. But really, I don't think that there's anyway that he couldn't. God chose him. Not anyone else, to live his life role. He was designed specifically for the perfect purpose that God chose for him. God loved him so much, that He decided to create him and all of us. Just like he chose Mara to be born yesterday to fulfill a purpose yesterday or 50 years from now. He loves her so much He chose her and not me to be her! Naturally, I'd think of Trent next. He was an outstanding person. Not once did I ever feel out of place around him, he went above and beyond for people. He was always smiling and happy, and truly an ecouragment, whether he realized it or not. Although he died at a very young age and in a very tragic manner, there's not a doubt in my mind that he had completed his purpose in God's perfect plan. Find comfort in death, not because they've gone to a better place, but because God has such an awesome plan that we can't even begin to comprehend and yesterday, 2 more pieces fit together.
Til next time!