Hello you! Believe it or not, I missed you :)
I have an Organic test on Monday that I've been studying for since spring break. Why? Because I have failed both of my first Organic tests. I wish I could tell you that I didn't study for them or was nervous through the whole thing, but that wouldn't be true. I studied and was confident and when I get the scores back...well clearly I went wrong somewhere. Several some wheres apparently.
So my test is Monday, and I've read every chapter and each day I decided to tackle homework for a different chapter. Monday was great. Yesterday, it was a little harder, despite the fact I had spent most of the day working on it. I had taken a short break and when I walked into our room...well, it's a certified sauna. To fix this problem, we've been leaving the window open. The problem? Pollen. And a certain amount of wind. Although I could clearly see the pollen covering my desk, and I knew Megs was already having problems with allergies, I just tried to focus and ignore it to continue to work. Eventually, my nose started to itch as did my skin and my throat. So I took an allergy pill and continued to work...but it got worse and it had gotten later and there was still a great deal that I needed to get done. I was SO frustrated because as hard as I tried I couldn't focus anymore. So I got up and cleaned everything on my desk, the window and the window sill, but that didn't take care of what was already on me :( At about 12:30 a.m. I had had enough and went to shower. At about 1:30 I took a look at what I would need to get done today in order to stay on track, only to find it was twice as much with half the time.
More disheartened than I was before my shower, I decided to try and work on something less frustrating like Diff Eq. Megs was asleep and our room was silent and almost dark and for whatever reason, as I opened my book I just started to cry. I was so overwhelmed and I felt hopeless about everything. I read Psalms 57 in an attempt to make me feel better, and it got me through math. When I woke up this morning, it wasn't any easier. I was exhausted and I still had a lot to get done. I wake up early so I can read my Bible and pray and my heart just wasn't feeling it this morning. Nevertheless, I got up and did so anyways. Instead of going over my usual prayer list though, I broke down. I felt selfish, but I prayed that God would take away my stress, take away this lump in my throat, take my anxiety, help me to focus, help me to remember that I want to glorify Him and just help me make it through today. As I stared out my window, the dark and misty morning did not reassure me of any kind of blessed day I would have. I remember being upset that the sun wasn't out on top of everything else. I even checked my phone to see if it would last all day and sure enough it said lightning!
The remainder of my morning was spent stressing over a Fundamentals test I had yet to study for and Fluid Mechanics homework I had yet to start, or even look at really. When I'd get discouraged, I'd try and remind myself that God was in control and I'd say a quick prayer letting Him know I still needed Him. And then the most beautiful thing happened...when Megs and I walked out of Bell to take this horrid Fundamentals test, the sun came out and I couldn't help but smile. It warmed my heart :) It may have been brief, but when I needed His reassurance, He was there to make it happen. He didn't hide or make me suffer with it and all of a sudden I felt ok. I still had a massive pile of work to do, I'm still exhausted and sleep deprived, but I knew He had listened and acknowledge our conversation this morning. What a magnificent God, my heart is happy :) I ended up finishing more work than expected and was slightly happier than I have been the past few days.
On that note, I want to appologize if I've been hateful in any way. I want to thank everyone in my life for being so patient with me! Especially Megan because no one gets it worse than she does :) If I don't respond to your texts the next few days, it's not because I hate you, but because I'm avoiding being mean.
For the rest of this week and this semester, I'm going to leave this class to God. If He doesn't want me to pass, for whatever reason, I want to be at peace with His decision and follow through with His plan for me. I want to remember that God is constantly showing and telling me that He has it all under control, despite the fact I like to think I do. Last week I was talking to a very dear friend of mine about a stressful situation. Something else I've learned from Jennifer is that it's almost insulting to God when we try and take control and do life our own way. When I was trying to give peace to my friend, I reminded her of the footprints in the sand poem. All those times in our lives when we really need Him, He's there; He's carrying us so that we don't have to carry ourselves. When we try and do it ourselves, it's like we're fighting to be dropped. It's insulting that we forget He can do it all. Like trying to throw someone a surprise party who just wants to throw it for themselves. Just silly!
As finals approach quickly, I am going to continue to pray for not only myself, but friends I know that are having the same struggles with classes. It's hard and overwhelming, but God knows what He's doing.
Anyways, I really like Stuart from Madtv, so appropriately, I thought I'd give him credit for a silly title :))
Have a beautiful day! Well, tomorrow since it's late! And the rest of the week too while you're at it :))
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