How you likin' the rain, girl?

Happy Saturday!

The title of today's post is a quote from Twilight (the movie). I thought it was appropriate because of the rainy day we have, but then I realized the only person that might get it was Megs...so I'm sorry I couldn't help but make a Twilight reference, lol. I hope that everyone has enjoyed this beautiful napping weather! I am in the process of packing my entire dorm room because with finals coming up, as well as my mom's graduation party, I should at least attempt to eliminate the stress that I can! My room couldn't look more sad. It's so empty and I just feel like I'm in a prison cell. Slight exaggeration, there's still plenty to get out of here...lol

Today I have a very specific topic to talk about because it's something I definitely struggle with. Maybe not on a daily basis, but this week was particularly difficult for several reasons. Usually, my anger comes from my frustrations. At life, at people, at myself. There's nothing worse than knowing I'm doing something wrong but continuing in it anyways only for it all to fall through. You know?

I mentioned a few days ago that it's hard for me to really trust people, because I can't be in control of them, what I didn't mention at the time was that it's also hard for me to really trust God sometimes. And I'm sure that goes back to not being in control. I know that He has it all covered, but I can't see the bigger picture like He can and it's frustrating when life sort of collapses around me and I can't see around the rubble to what will happen next. I get frustrated because I want Him to be in control of my life, but for someone who likes to know the details and have a plan, it's hard because the more of Him there is, the less I'll get to know. When I'm in control of my life (or when sin is) I know my next move, and I know the outcomes, but when we fully turn it over, we FULLY turn it over to Him. So what I've been praying for is my faith so that I know that He does have it all taken care of and it's ok for me to dive right into Him and to be comforted by that. I've felt that this is the best thing for me because I'm fairly certain that this is the way it should be because "...faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1.

Like I mentioned, this week was particularly difficult for me in general. At the beginning of the week, I'd say I was furious. Knowing that I didn't want any of those terrible feelings, it slowly turned into guilt so I prayed about it. By the grace of God, He answered by keeping me so busy this week that I didn't have time to think about why I was even mad to begin with. Every morning I've also prayed that I handle the entire situation in a way that would be pleasing to Him. I knew that by doing this, I would have to do what wouldn't necessarily be easiest, but I also knew that "I [could] do everything through Him who gives me strength," Philippians 4:13.

In reading Proverbs everyday, I've learned quite a bit about wisdom and making the right decisions, which includes being in control of my emotions, especially my temper.

1. "A hot-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated." Proverbs 14:17
2. "A patient man has great understanding but a hot-tempered man displays his folly." Proverbs 14:29
3. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
4. "A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel." Proverbs 15:18
5. "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." Proverbs 16:32
6. "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to His glory to overlook an offense." Proverbs 19:11
7. "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." Proverbs 25:28
8. "For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife." Proverbs 30:33

Just reading these verses again, reminds me that this is the way of life that I've chosen and in that, I must also choose to do the right thing, although it's not easy I know it's what I want. I want to be pleasing to God in my decisions, actions and words. I want to be fully consumed in Him and therefore must continue to be patient and remember that "there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven," Ecclesiastes 3:1.

And finally, revenge:

"Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated." --George Bernard Shaw
"Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge." --Isaac Friedmann
"The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury." --Marcus Aurelius

But the Bible is pretty insightful too. Saying to "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord...Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:14-21. So there you have it. And it's not easy but remember why we're choosing to do what's right, and that with God, all things are possible. So today, Saturday April 24, 2010, I'm not angry and I have peace knowing that God has it under control. I'm not going to seek revenge because it's not my place to judge. If I'm hurt for a legit reason, then He'll take care of it in due time and if it's not a good reason, then I am comforted knowing that I handled it in a way that is pleasing to God.

I had a lot of verses today, I hope I didn't overwhelm you! It's just that I know my struggles with this and I know what's right, but when it's backed by the Bible, there's not much room for negotiation. It's reassurance that I'm not making things more difficult for no reason, lol.

I've also noticed that my posts are getting longer, for that I am sorry, but I just end up on a roll!! Well, God ends up on a roll in my mind, and I just can't shut up. Thanks for reading pages and pages of what's going on with me and the words that help me get through it all. Hurry and get outside before it starts to rain again! Love you!!!