The Blindside

The turn around rate for my blogs is usually a day or 2 at the least, but sometimes, I just have tell people important stuff! For instance, what I learned at church this morning :) I could wait until after I finished my personal statement, but really, I might as well do this now because it's all I can think about! If I get it off of my chest, then maybe I can focus.

Praise: I went to the "dashboard" of blogger last night after I posted and I was looking for updates in my friends' blogs. After I read their updates, I noticed how many people were following them and I had a tinge of jealousy. I automatically felt ridiculous, because one of the main reasons for my blog is to help myself. It's selfish, yes, but sometimes I need reminders and uplifting and there have been times when I make a lot more sense then I do at any given point in a struggle. So yes, my blog is for you, but it's for me too. I canceled the pity party, and called it a night! This afternoon, I received a message on Facebook from a sorority sister of mine telling me that she and another sister had been reading. I am so thankful for them being encouraged by what I have to say, but more than that, I am so encouraged that God took my jealousy and helped me see that it's not about how many peoples names I have attached to my blog, it's the shear fact that one person may read the one thing they need to hear exactly when they need to hear it. I'm so thankful that He is more amazing than I can even begin to comprehend.

I love that God can take what I think I know about something and twist it and let it still mean the same thing, yet so much more. I brought up the flowers for the second time yesterday. This morning at church, which was an interesting experience in itself, the preacher talked about tribes. And as it turns out, there are just a whole lot of words that mean exactly the same thing. Gardens, tribes, cliques, clubs, friendships, and finally, marriage.

Now, in case you haven't noticed. I don't date well. Especially recently when I think too much about it. On top of that, I change my mind all the time. Sometimes it's exactly what I want, to be serious and to have this significant other. Then other days I wake up and I can't imagine always having to be considerate of someone else. And even more on top of that, I'm very picky about everything and I do want certain aspects of my life to be a certain way. I guess I avoid dating because I don't think there is someone that will ever meet every expectation I have, so why bother? That's a terrible attitude to have about it, but when you throw in expectations and broken hearts and trust, it's just a whole lot of gumbo I don't want any of.

When the preacher started talking this morning, he was talking about all the bad stuff that's been going on in that area. Hurricane after hurricane and now the oil spill! But that in February, that entire state was able to join in one cause, the superbowl. That after that day, everyone wanted to be part of the "who dat" nation. I wasn't sure where he was going until he started talking about all the other "tribes" we belong to; the whole "i" nation, with iPods, iPads, iTouch, iPhone...gym memberships, work, clubs, etc. These are all gardens that we're part of. Soon after, he started relating everything to couples and to marriage and at first I was not pleased, but the more I listened, the more I was able to relate what he said to all the areas of my life, including dating.

So the first thing he talked about is how we have all these tribes, but really, the idea of tribes comes straight from God. The 12 tribes of Israel, Noah being called to save his tribe, but most importantly, God giving Adam a tribe. So when we think about dating we have a set of things we want and don't want and we often tend to make it more complicated than it has to be. I've heard so many times to be patient and it'll happen when it's meant to happen, which is all true; however, it made a whole lot more sense when he was talking about Adam and Eve this morning. He brought up the fact that God had Adam fall asleep. He didn't send him hunting or fishing or give him a task to accomplish while God made Eve, God told him to rest. And while he was in this deep sleep, God took a single rib and formed Eve. And after Adam had woken up, God didn't tell him that he had to go find her now, or that she was being hidden from him, but God "brought her to the man," Genesis 2:22.

I'm not a man :)) haha, but after reading this story, that I've heard a thousand times, presented like this, I can't imagine God doing it any differently. I absolutely believe in this fairy tale story that God has planned, where I don't go looking, but where I can sleep and wake up one day and everything will fall into place. So I guess this was step one of the preacher's lesson: starting your tribe.

The next things he talked about was how to make your tribe last. Like I said, it was mostly geared towards couples so his advice (mostly for men) was that everyday for the husband to look at his wife at random times and say "you know what I really love about you?" I laughed because it's ridiculous for me to think that any guy would say that to any girl, but here he was saying that he did it all the time for his wife. He started talking about unconditional love and there's a saying "that if dating brings out the best, then marriage brings out the rest." It doesn't sound appealing, but if people can't make it through "the best," they certainly won't make it through "the rest."

He finished his thoughts on making it last by describing marriage as a bank account. We all make deposits and withdrawls to our accounts, some more important than others, but as soon as our investments get low, then we have nothing to gain from it anymore and eventually, the bank has nothing left to offer us. In the same way, couples must make investments to their marriage and relationships. It's things like making coffee for the other person, or making breakfast in bed that are substantial investments to relationships. It has to come from both sides and from our hearts or else we really just end up with 2 seperate bank accounts. When we stop investing in it, that relationship or marriage has nothing left to offer and it becomes void.

Finally, the last point he made was the importance of having a tribe. He refered to the saying "if you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us." In the same way, tribes have must have each others backs. He then referred to Ecclesiates 4:9-12 that says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of 3 strands is not quickly broken." Obviously, this makes a lot of sense when it comes to friends and being in good soil, but I've never thought about it in the sense of marriage.

The way he put this in perspective was by having a guy come up on stage and face the opposite direction. He then asked the audience if they thought that he could take down the man standing there and the audience agreed that he could. Afterall, the man standing there was facing the opposite direction. He'd never see it coming. Then he had another man come up, a very large, scary looking man who had been in the Navy, and had him stnd back to back with the other man. He then re-asked the audience if they thought he could take down the first man standing there, and the answer was of course no. Now, the man had his blind side protected by someone who could see things that he just couldn't. In the same way, men and women are good at picking up on completely different things. We're not supposed to be the same or have the same talents, and in a marriage, all of these talents gets used. He said that marriages should be a balance of those talents and constant fight, not with each other, but for each other. He said that one of the most important things couples can do is to establish early that giving up is not an option.

Ok, so all of this was about marriage, but the more I think about it, the more I can relate it to not only precursors for dating and friendships, but in my relationship with God. Step one, I recognize that I need help, and God comes into my life and takes care of the rest. Step two, His investment was His son, I must constantly be investing my share to ensure that our relattionship never reaches NSF. And why is this all important? Because God will always have my back.

On the other hand, I also realized a little more about what I want out of relationships and my marriage. I'm extremely ridiculous. I come up with outlandish ideas all the time and it's hard for me to imagine that I will ever meet someone who compliments that perfectly. Someone who can see all my flaws and know all of my past and love me anyways. Someone who will always go along with my ridiculous ideas and play along. The other day I decided that after I get married, I want my husband and I to get stage our engagement everywhere we go! We can cause a huge scene and everyone will think we're just getting engaged, but really we're already married. Don't ask me where I came up with this, it just happens, lol. Genius :)) The point is that if I told someone I liked that, they'd probably laugh and never see me again. On the same note, I am 1000% in love with God, and when I tell someone I'm dating how important He is to me, what if they laugh and never see me again. "...perfect love drives out fear..." 1 John 4:18, remember when I used this a few months ago? It's the same thing now. I don't need to be afraid of silly things like that because God doesn't want me to be with someone who doesn't love Him as much as I do and He won't send me someone who would laugh at me and leave me because I have crazy ideas.

Have you heard that saying "A girls heart should be so lost in God, that a man will have to seek Him in order to find her?" Well, that's what I want. I don't want to have to work to make something happen, or to force something to work. A square will never fit into the round hole, but one day, I'll find the square hole. I've said this before, and I still believe every bit of it. I know that God made someone who is absolutely perfect for me. Someone that I will be able to pray with and share God with and start a tribe with and be silly with. So step one, I stop looking and worrying about it and I let God lead him to me. And I worry about step two later :)) Of course. But for right now, I need to be more lost in God or else there won't be anything to find.

Yesterday one of the things that Shirnelle inspired me with, was when she told me that her and her boyfriend prayed together all the time. They're in a long distance relationship, so it happens over the phone. Phone conversations, and long distance relationships are hard enough without throwing in the added pressure of trying to stay religious, so for her to tell me that she has someone so special, and for the preacher today to share the good things in his marriage, gives me all the confidence in the world. I am so thankful for God's continuous encouragement that I'm playing for the right team and for all the proof that He has it all under control.

Whew! I'm glad I told you all of that. If you laugh and leave, well ok, then it wasn't meant to be to begin with, but God always has a plan. Now I must be productive on this road to graduate school. Je t'aime :)) Au revoir!