Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Where Am I Going Now?

Hello there. It’s me. Just me.
Nothing particularly interesting has happened lately and everything all at the same time. In the past week I’ve been disappointed, and excited. I’ve changed my mind. I’ve made decisions. I’ve been frustrated and then refreshed. I’ve felt really good about my life and then really not good. All in one week!
I haven’t been blogging much lately. I know why. Kind of. But I’ll tell you all about that some other time. Right now is just about this past week.
I realize that no matter where I stand in respect to God, He’s still there. I don’t know why. I’ve never known why and I never know how things will turn out.
Part of what I love about having a blog, is that I know I can tell you anything. Because I tell you the big things, it’s easier to see what role these big events had in my life and helping me get to where I am.
The point is I can only see it, because I have proof of emotion and events written in my own words. No matter how dramatic they tend to be, I understand myself. And I know where I am now and how things in my past have shaped me. I’ll never know if it’s what God had in mind, but I like to think that it is. So because I know where the big things have gotten me (in my own opinion), I want to try to keep better track of all the little things too.
So here’s a quick update on the past week and plans I’ve made lately…

One big thing is that I am being interviewed on Friday for an internship! Or co-op, I’m not sure if they’ve decided, so I left it open. On the one hand, I’m really excited. I don’t remember applying, but I did. And it’s for a manufacturing company I wouldn’t initially think to work at, but we’ll see where it goes. On the other hand, I’m really nervous. This isn’t a company where I know someone. I don’t know anyone who has ever worked here before and I will be the only student from a non-Texas school. I don’t think I’ve ever been so intimidated in my life and somehow I have to cover that up and show that I’m qualified for this. I’ll keep you updated.
My sister is officially 40 weeks on Thursday. I’m fine. I swear I’m excited for him to be here. I still feel like I’m losing her, but only time will tell the distance. Until then, I am still excited for him to get here already.
I have this big trip to New York planned for December to see some friends I made in Australia. I decided to lessen my trip by coming home early. Nox will be here and I don’t want to give up time with him and my sister and family before school starts again. It’s not ideal to pay to move things around, but that’s what I get for making rash decisions. In accordance with this trip, I’ve decided to start the trip with another trip. To Chicago! I’m excited. And nervous. In equal amounts.
My mom officially lives in Texas again. It’s strange because neither of us has lived here since my dad died and now, all of a sudden, it’s bringing back loads of strange feelings. Not exactly natural, yet familiar. Thinking about him still makes me want to cry. I’ll work through it I’m sure.
Eastman is a struggle. I like it alright. I like all the projects I’m working on, I’m just not sure it’s for me. People are friendly and helpful but I’m not sure this is somewhere I could be long term. I’m not sure if this is where I really see myself. Something about this doesn’t feel right. In other work news, there’s big stuff going on this week so we’re working 12 hour shifts, 5:30 to 5:30. I’m not a fan of getting to work when it’s dark and leaving work when it’s almost dark. I know this will soon be the case everyday because of the time change and it will just be interesting to see what changes.

Well, I’m pretty sure that’s it. Some of this may be completely meaningless. It could all honestly be meaningless, but maybe it’s not. And it’s the maybe that will keep me wondering and hopeful. I’m not sure where I’m going next, but I want you to be there with me. I’ll be there for you in return.

I love you.

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